So why did I choose the name Straight Paths? It was the result of months of struggle as I processed the fact that I was actually not in control of anything in my life. Oh, I knew that God was in control, but really, I was deluding myself and secretly taking back control. Take a look at these Bible verses:
"In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:6
Proverbs 3:6
"I will go before you, and make the crooked places straight." Isaiah 45:2
During a time of prayer with two other Godly women, one of them had some words for me. It took some time to sink in because I was not yet fully aware of all the implications. The reality was that I had been taking the Straight Paths within my life and was making them crooked. I was not trusting God to go before me and make the crooked places straight. I was taking all the control back from God. And even worse, all this time in my life, I had thought I was making the paths straight. Those crooked paths I thought were crooked were actually God's straight paths! Sounds confusing, doesn't it?
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5.
After years
of being in charge of my life with everything I did, what I wore, what I ate, where I
worked, I then married and had children. Little cracks began to appear in the facade as I discovered that compromises had to be made. But for the most part I was in control of what my
children wore, what they ate, where they played, what activities they did, what friends they played with, and what they could
buy. As they grew older some more cracks began to appear until the floodgates opened at the teenage stage and on to young adulthood. Then I realized that I really
wasn’t in control of anything at all. It was all an illusion. Stuff just happens.
Even worse was realizing how deep it went. I thought through sheer self-will I could shape someone's destiny. If I just wished it enough, or prayed it through enough, then it would change that person. If I thought it, then it would be. If I deemed that a loved one would believe in Jesus, then it would happen. That terrible event in my life would disappear. The present reality would be switched for a new one of my choosing. This was one of the toughest lessons in my life to discover that I was actually committing the sin of pride -- the exact same sin that caused Lucifer to be kicked out of heaven. I was trying to be God. It has taken a couple of years of threshing out the truth. In the process I have had to hand over every dream and presupposition to the God of the universe who can see the past, present and future.
It was heart wrenching, draining and exhausting. I had to come to the end of myself and my own self-sufficiency to rest in my nothingness and instead rest in God’s perfect plan that I did not understand. There is pain, there is illness, there is old age and there is death. There is heartbreak and there are circumstances that you do not ask for, but they are there. Through it all, God is still God. He still loves me, and I can lean on Him and trust Him with my little mustard seed of faith. He knows what's best for me. His ways are better than my ways, and I can rest in this truth.
Even worse was realizing how deep it went. I thought through sheer self-will I could shape someone's destiny. If I just wished it enough, or prayed it through enough, then it would change that person. If I thought it, then it would be. If I deemed that a loved one would believe in Jesus, then it would happen. That terrible event in my life would disappear. The present reality would be switched for a new one of my choosing. This was one of the toughest lessons in my life to discover that I was actually committing the sin of pride -- the exact same sin that caused Lucifer to be kicked out of heaven. I was trying to be God. It has taken a couple of years of threshing out the truth. In the process I have had to hand over every dream and presupposition to the God of the universe who can see the past, present and future.
It was heart wrenching, draining and exhausting. I had to come to the end of myself and my own self-sufficiency to rest in my nothingness and instead rest in God’s perfect plan that I did not understand. There is pain, there is illness, there is old age and there is death. There is heartbreak and there are circumstances that you do not ask for, but they are there. Through it all, God is still God. He still loves me, and I can lean on Him and trust Him with my little mustard seed of faith. He knows what's best for me. His ways are better than my ways, and I can rest in this truth.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5.
I had a picture of how intricately complicated and incomprehensible to my small mind God's omniscience is. I saw a sea of unending gear wheels of every shape and size hanging suspended in the vast expanse of the universe. Each gearwheel was connected together, working all in unison for God's plans and purposes. I will never forget the whirling as they all worked in unison. It was like endless symphony orchestras all playing together at the same time and sounding beautiful. If this is my God, then He is sufficient for me.
Who am I to question what the God of the universe has ordained? I want God to make my paths straight. I don't want to trust in my human efforts anymore. My plans just make a mess of things and all my paths go crooked. So each time I open this Blog named Straight Paths, I will be reminded of who is in charge and trust Him with all my heart.
Who am I to question what the God of the universe has ordained? I want God to make my paths straight. I don't want to trust in my human efforts anymore. My plans just make a mess of things and all my paths go crooked. So each time I open this Blog named Straight Paths, I will be reminded of who is in charge and trust Him with all my heart.
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